October 15, 2011   44 notes
It made me so happy to hear the energy in your voice last week, and it made me even happier when you were able to take us out for dim sum. Thank you, daddy. I thought you would get better from then; I didn’t realize it was your last burst of energy. When you were suddenly in unbearable pain that night, I felt guilty. I still do. I wish I didn’t convince myself that you would recover. When all you wanted to do was sleep, when you completely lost your appetite, when you stopped having the breath to talk to me when I called… I should have come home. My last phone call the night before, you couldn’t respond at all. I was discouraged, and I didn’t say much. I realized I forgot to say “I love you” when I hung up, and I wanted to call back and FaceTime but decided not to. I was flying back the next day, anyways. The one phone call I forgot to tell you “I love you,” and it had to be the last… I’ve read so much about nearing death symptoms, practically memorized all of them, just so I would know when to fly back home before it was too late. They were so evident, but I was unawarely in denial, blinded by hope. I’m sorry that I didn’t do well on the midterm that kept me from leaving earlier. I’m sorry I didn’t make it home before you left. I’m sorry I couldn’t say a real last goodbye. I’m sorry for being too afraid to close your eyes so you could go peacefully, knowing your daughter was the one to finally put you to rest. That is my regret. I will think of you every day and keep you in my heart forever, striving to make you proud in all of my actions. I will not disappoint you after all of the heart and soul you have poured into this family. I could never have asked for a more dedicated, loving father than you. Rest in peace, daddy. I love you. 10/24/1956 - 10/14/2011

It made me so happy to hear the energy in your voice last week, and it made me even happier when you were able to take us out for dim sum. Thank you, daddy. I thought you would get better from then; I didn’t realize it was your last burst of energy. When you were suddenly in unbearable pain that night, I felt guilty. I still do. I wish I didn’t convince myself that you would recover. When all you wanted to do was sleep, when you completely lost your appetite, when you stopped having the breath to talk to me when I called… I should have come home.

My last phone call the night before, you couldn’t respond at all. I was discouraged, and I didn’t say much. I realized I forgot to say “I love you” when I hung up, and I wanted to call back and FaceTime but decided not to. I was flying back the next day, anyways. The one phone call I forgot to tell you “I love you,” and it had to be the last…

I’ve read so much about nearing death symptoms, practically memorized all of them, just so I would know when to fly back home before it was too late. They were so evident, but I was unawarely in denial, blinded by hope.

I’m sorry that I didn’t do well on the midterm that kept me from leaving earlier. I’m sorry I didn’t make it home before you left. I’m sorry I couldn’t say a real last goodbye. I’m sorry for being too afraid to close your eyes so you could go peacefully, knowing your daughter was the one to finally put you to rest. That is my regret.

I will think of you every day and keep you in my heart forever, striving to make you proud in all of my actions. I will not disappoint you after all of the heart and soul you have poured into this family. I could never have asked for a more dedicated, loving father than you.

Rest in peace, daddy. I love you.
10/24/1956 - 10/14/2011

  1. xkaysterx reblogged this from dumaitsdennis
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  9. sallaw reblogged this from winnayy and added:
    winnie love, I am...loss. ): I know that you’ll be hearing this constantly
  10. denisesdiary reblogged this from winnayy and added:
    loss Winnie. Don’t ever feel guilty...haven’t done the best
  11. katrinayumi said: Pbro <3 I am so sorry for your loss and that you have to go through this. I just want you to know that if you need a shoulder to cry on, you have 23 sets. We love you and we are all here for you!!
  12. jacoba said: winnie i am so sorry for your loss, my condolences to you and your family
  13. amlxa reblogged this from winnayy
  14. runxbrianxrun said: mama, stay strong, we all know you can get through this, and your papa is proud of you :) stay strong… stay strong…
  15. roroskis said: i’m really sorry to hear winnie… from the bottom of my heart, i’m wishing you and your family the absolute best. stay strong, and know that we are all here for you! i am sure that your dad is really proud of the person you are today <3
  16. clevergirrl said: Oh Winnie :”( I’m very sorry to hear about this.. My condolences goes out to you and your family! <3
  17. minemalady reblogged this from xlovescreams and added:
    Practically, what Jenn said. Don’t regret what you did/didn’t do - your father does realize you love him, and by...
  18. xlovescreams reblogged this from winnayy and added:
    I love you, Winnie. Don’t regret. Stay strong, love… You’ve done...what your father would...
  19. koreanwannabe said: I am truly sorry to hear about your father passing away… I can’t imagine how difficult this is on you and your family and I wish I knew what to say. For what it’s worth, I am here for you and I will keep your family in my prayers. <3
  20. brianmlopez said: what Kelly said…don’t regret. You were an amazing daughter to your father sacrificing lots of time/money to be with him in his last days. I think you’ve grown a lot from this experience and that’s what he would have wanted for you. My condolences.
  21. fuckyeahitsjason said: love you buddy. i’ll always be there if you need. stay strong. my condolences to you and your family.<3
  22. kelly-minivan said: Stay strong Winnie! I’m sure your dad knew very well that you love him very much, so don’t feel guilty for forgetting. My condolences to you and your family.
  23. winnayy posted this